by Gabe Carey
Video gaming has come a long way since the 90’s and even the early 2000’s. Perhaps much of this has to do with the established importance of the internet in gaming culture. Gamers commonly use forums, news outlet comments sections, YouTube, and Twitter to connect with their brethren as well as developers, journalists, and other members of the industry such as myself. The power gamers have over the contents of the internet is apparent just by checking some of the most popular channels on YouTube, such as GameGrumps, PewDiePie, YogsCast, Machinima, boogie2988 (Francis), and Rooster Teeth who are all, for better or worse, renowned video game celebrities, who are even watch by those with little interest in interactive media and its surrounding culture.
Likewise, the increasing popularity of video games on the internet has led to stereotypes and separation between different types of gamers. This division between those who share a similar interest, yet differ slightly in personal preference, has already manifested the end of humankind by determining that, in fact, the PlayStation 4 can run games at a slightly higher frame rate, and anyone who believes otherwise is a “n00b who can’t comprehend the technical aspirations of our lord all mighty Shuhei Yoshida!”, or something like that.
The fact of the matter is that we’re all different and should respect one another’s personal preferences in order to make for a much more accepting world. That’s why, today, I’m here to share with you the ten types of gamers you may encounter while surfing the web accompanied by copyright-free stock photographs which you may use to distinguish these diverse archetypes for yourselves.
Internet pseudonym: The Hacker
Real-world occupation: 9th grade high school student
This guy typically doesn’t enjoy playing games anymore, but he would never admit to it. The hacker spends his or her days and nights either developing mods for games and/or cheating in online multiplayer games just because he hates to see anyone become legitimately successful.
Internet pseudonym: The Pokemon Obsessive
Real-world occupation: College sophomore, cashier
As common as it is, I couldn’t find a single stock photograph of a grown man playing a handheld gaming system. Nonetheless, the Pokemon obsessives are like no other species in the Pokemon world. They usually don’t play games aside from Pokemon, but you can often find them pouring hundreds of hours of their lives scouting out shinies and literally attempting the impossible at this point: catching ’em all. Unlike the hacker, Pokemon obsessives tend to make pleasant company due to the innocence of their circumstantial
Internet pseudonym: Comic Relief Guy
Real-world occupation: Unemployed, but satisfied
Comic relief guy is indefinitely always the top comment on articles in which no one really has a stance, or the topic is deemed to be too far over the heads of the readers. In that case, comic relief guy will, as expected, swoop in immediately after the article is posted in order to post a clever comment that was most likely stolen from another source, though the external source is never credited. He’s perfect for parties and only plays games because there are no alternative options. He has no real-world skill, but it’s never bothered him for a moment. He also really enjoys retro games and firmly believes that one of the two Sonic Adventure titles was the peak of the franchise.
Internet pseudonym: The Fanboy
Real-world occupation: “Borrowing” money from mom and/or between the ages of 10 and 13
The fanboy thrives off of everyone else’s misery and insults people by predetermining sexual orientation based on console choice alone. Affording both systems is out of the question so he constantly rags on you for your personal preference. His (or her) favorite games include Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3, Grand Theft Auto V, Minecraft, and Assassin’s Creed III, although he isn’t old enough to play any of them. His parents don’t have time to read the ESRB label because they’re always either working or getting their bratty kid to shut up!
Internet pseudonym: Gaming Master Race Guy
Real-world occupation: Video game journalist (or developer)
Gaming master race guy doesn’t get to play as many games of his choice as he once could, but he keeps up with the latest industry news as often as possible. He needs to; it’s likely his job. An average night consists of endless work in order to afford the latest games he has no time to play. He hates deadlines, but loves snow days, and typically prefers more brief, narrative-driven gaming experiences. Whenever he anonymously comments on an article using his second or third backup account, readers see through the disguise and up-vote his comment to the top, which makes comic relief guy feel estranged.
Internet pseudonym: The “Enthusiast”
Real-world occupation: Something really demanding
The “enthusiast” (not to be confused with the Retro Gamer) hasn’t played a video game since the PlayStation 2 era, but he sure knows his facts. By the end of a rough day at work which, according to him, is every day, the “enthusiast” spends countless hours debating on forum threads about a game he’s likely never played before. He keeps up with the latest news, but nothing’s the same as it used to be, hence the reason he no longer purchases new consoles or games.
Internet pseudonym: One Game Per Year Guy
Real-world occupation: Unemployed high school senior
Nothing matters more to one game per year guy than the length of a game. It could have the worst graphics, most uninteresting story and characters, and repetitive gameplay, but as long as they receive a 300+ hour experience in a $60 package, they’re set for at least the next year. And once all of the DLC goes on sale in one conveniently marketed package, one game per year guy is set for yet another year of endless dragon slaying and open-world exploration. Not that there’s anything wrong with that… His platform of choice is the Xbox 360, although he’s had to replace it three times since 2008. He still thinks the PS3 is $600.
Internet pseudonym: Retro Gamer
Real-world occupation: Various
The retro gamer knows for a fact that incorporating storyline and heavily realistic graphics isn’t the future of gaming, but that whatever Nintendo does next is a spark of brilliance. The retro gamer mainly plays on PC, running NES, SNES, and N64 emulators and the only modern platform he owns is the 3DS. He still doesn’t own a Wii U, but plans on making the purchase once either Smash Bros. releases or something worthwhile is announced (whichever comes first). He owns numerous classic video game-related merchandise, and considered buying an OUYA, but like everyone else with a brain, decided against it after reading about its failed launch.
Internet pseudonym: PC Master Race
Real-world occupation: Full-time college student
PC Master Race hates consoles and will not admit to any of their perks because he doesn’t own one. He also doesn’t own a PC capable of running anything other than simplistic indie games on Steam. He claims that high-end PCs are superior to every biological and non-living inhabitant on this planet, and that building one is much cheaper than buying anything pre-built, although he has never built a PC himself.
Internet pseudonym: MLG (Major League Gamer)
Real-world occupation: Unemployed middle or high school student
MLG claims to be paid to play video game, though he hasn’t yet earned the minimum payout required to actually be paid. He plays Call of Duty, Halo, or League of Legends and unnecessarily owns the most expensive consumer-grade gaming headset on the market. His mom bought it for him. It’s a shame all of his friends say rude things about her online.
Gabe Carey is Editor-in-Chief at B-TEN.com.
When asked why he’s pursuing video games journalism, he responded, “For the lulz”.
You can read his infrequent ramblings on Twitter @Thats_Bullogna.
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