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NEVER TOUCH THESE GAMES (Part 1)

by Anthony “Sweet Marmalade” Vernon 

Disclaimer 

This is a warning from me so you do not make the same grave mistake I did. Heed my warning, I do not want you all to have the misfortune of running into the games like I did. These games are so bad and hold absolutely zero entertainment value. Their existence should not be allowed but sadly these games do exist. And I ran into them. These games are so bad I felt it was my duty to warn you all. NEVER TOUCH THESE GAMES!

 

Intrusion:

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Sadly this game has a sequel and I do not know how that game about. This game is unplayable past the 3 minute mark. There is so much wrong with this game. You body moves too much like a rag doll, in fact all characters move like over done rag dolls. And while rag doll mechanics aren’t always bad they are poorly done in this game. Because of this poor mechanic you can get blasted miles away from where you were fighting. While this can be funny at first it is annoying to trek all the way back to where you were fighting. And sure it is fun shooting your enemies flop around when you shoot them, but this is if you can shoot your enemies. The controls are horrible, in a shooting game you are often unable to effectively aim, and shoot. This really sucks when your outnumbered by enemies, which happens a lot in this game. Plus the other controls and level design sucks. The game’s environment is dull to begin with and just repeats. Plus you are you suppose to jump for this things your controls won’t let you reach. All the controls just suck, and they are basic computer controls. Maybe you can give it a break since it is just a browser game, but I don’t, I have played some really good browser shooters and this is just a bad game plain and simple. It was as if the maker of this game never play tested his own work.

 

Gluey and Gluey 2 a like:

Unknown

Conceptually this game is actually really good. It takes a new approach the the color and shape matching games. Instead of having standard shapes you only have standard colors, every color is inside blobs that move around. You are suppose to combine blobs of the same color to make them a bigger blob, then click away that blob when your satisfied. While I love the concept the execution is really poorly done. The game is way too easy. There is no way to lose. The game has no balance, plus the game does not take full advantage of their new concept. So all you do is boringly click away randomly until you beat the game. You had no fun just clicking away because their is no challenge. I do want this game to be improved greatly and know it has potential. However, in it’s current states it is untouchable because its simply child’s play. This is one of those games that would have been much better if it were too hard rather than being too easy. The sequel is just a copy paste of the first game, so gluey had a chance to improve and greatly failed.

The Game Game:

Unknown

I am not against what the Game Game is trying to do. It is trying to be satirical game making fun of society, I think any media should be allowed to explore that realm. However, the way in which the Game Game does this is just bad. The main goal of a game is to be fun. The Game Game is not fun. This game just makes you jump from a ledge over and over again. And it only deviates a couple times. Once for a shooting game that is equal to something to a pop up ad. And other times the game just glitches through short and stupid cut scenes. You get what the game is trying to make fun of, but programming a game that is just repeating suicide is not fun and just send a message it’s just annoying. The Game Game is really on the borderline of not being a game cause you don’t play. Thankfully for me the game is short, however, if they made the game longer more unique levels other then forced suicide probably would have been added. Now unlike the other games on this list, this game actually has a good sequel. It’s called Reimagined the Game, it actually does a great job at making fun of pop culture, and is actually a game cause you do stuff.

Sonic Scene Creator 4:

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Up to this point I am surprised there already 4 of these I guess what you have to “games.” Apparently there is a fifth and sixth one of these things but I didn’t bother trying it because of how bad this thing is. The only good thing about this “game” is that you can mute the awful music without having to turn off your computer’s speakers. The rest of this game is just sticking still Sonic sprites onto bad backgrounds. I don’t even think most of the backgrounds were in any sort of Sonic game. I can understand something like this being a one time little gag just for fun. But the makers of this thing they want to call a “game” have more than 4 of these. You think after 4 “games” they would have more character sprites other then Sonic himself. Nope you can only stick still Sonic sprite pictures onto bad backgrounds. Sure some sprites are gifs, but watching a boring gif is no good. I don’t understand what kind of person could find enjoyment in wasting their time with this. Even for what is, (a bad image maker), it still fails. The only reason it gets put on this list of bad “games” (which this is not a game) is because it calls itself a game. The only appeal this thing has is that is has Sonic in it and thats it.

Again these are games I have played. I cannot cover every bad because I have not played every bad game. But if there is a game that does not deserved to be played by anyone anywhere it will be on this list.

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